Mary Cassatt, Mothering, and Me
Over the years I have collected prints with mothers holding infants. At first I was not aware that I was doing this, but one day after moving, I was hanging my collection around the house, and I realized that many of the prints were mothers with young children. Each painting captures an intimate moment between a mother and child, and whenever I look at any one of them, I feel the love the artist has captured.
The painting above, Mary Cassatt’s Mother and Child-Little Ann Sucking Her Finger Embraced by Her Mother, is one of the prints I found, probably at a yard sale or thrift store. I was not consciously collecting these paintings; I just realized one day how many of them I owned. Later, I found I was drawn to Cassatt’s work, and then I began collecting prints of her paintings that include children.
Why was I drawn to these paintings? I knew it had to do with mothers and infants and the intimacy that they seem to be sharing. As I have embarked on my journey to understand myself and my life, I took this question to heart. Intuitively, I knew that the paintings contained something that the infant in me had yearned for and probably still yearns for.
Though I had played with dolls as a little girl, and my neighbor and I even dressed my dachshund up in her old baby clothes and pushed him around the neighborhood in a perambulator her mother brought all the way from her native England, I had decided as a teenager that I didn’t want to have children. I was a popular babysitter, so I spent many weekend nights watching other people’s children, many of whom I liked. However, after a week at Hilton Head as a take-a-long babysitter for three children, one only six weeks old, I had decided that motherhood was not for me.
Fast forward five years, and I was to become a mother just ten months after graduating from college. The day my husband and I brought our son home from the hospital, I kept saying, “Do they know what they are doing sending me home with this baby?” I had no idea how to be a mother.
When my first child was born, I had a strong urge to protect him and to keep him happy at all times. This is probably true of most mothers, but I was obsessed with making sure he was not left to cry alone in his crib. Though I had not thought much about what I would do when I became a mother because I was only twenty two when he was born, I knew instinctively that I would nurse him. My mother had me during a time when doctors often discouraged mothers from nursing their babies, so my brother, sister, and I, like many children during the Baby Boom, were bottle fed.
Home with my newborn son, never having seen a mother nurse a child, I struggled as I learned to nurse him. He lost a lot of weight in the first few weeks, and I had mastitis. One night, at about 1 a.m., I called the La Leche League hotline, and someone answered. Frustrated and worried that I was not doing things right, I talked to a woman I had never met. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I was able to do what she told me, and soon nursing became much easier.
Within weeks my son gained weight and actually became plump. The soreness and tenderness in my breasts went away, and I was able to relax more into motherhood. Eventually, I would go on to nurse all four of my children. Each one a little longer than the last.
Research has discovered that there are more benefits to a mother nursing her child than simple nutrition. Mother’s milk is nature’s perfect food, and nursing makes it a fast food that is good for both mother and child. In addition, the skin-to-skin touch and eye contact help babies bond to their mothers and to feel secure.
However, there are generations of women whose mothers did not nurse them because doctors, usually male, were not encouraging them to do so, and these mothers need support.
My own mother went back to her job as a nurse when I was six weeks old. A week later, she switched from day to night shift, and said she did it because she wanted to spend more time with my brother and me during the day. She loved us. I have no doubt about that. However, infants don’t know why their mothers leave, and they don’t know that even though their mothers might be gone for a while that they will be back. This, I believe, is why I have an obsession with mother and child paintings.
Women have found their place in the workforce, and that is a development I don’t want to see diminished. However, I would like for more parents to understand how important the first year of life is to a developing infant. There seems to be a war going on between those who breastfeed and those who go back to work and place their child in the care of others, perhaps still providing breast milk in the process. Taking into account the optimal environment for infants is a way to end this division.
It has been over three decades since I had my first child. He has long since left the nest and started a family of his own. What seemed like forever was only a moment in time. That is what I would tell new moms. Take the time to be with your baby. Get the support you need to breast feed. Doctors today say it is rather rare for a mother to be incapable of nursing her child. Once new moms get over the newness of breast feeding, they will become pros.
As for those of us who had mothers who worked, and who were following the advice of their time to use formula instead of breast feeding, we can give ourselves the nurturing that we didn’t get. We can realize that we are secure and loved.
In the meantime, I hope to spread the word that breast feeding is positive for both mother and child, and the investment of time and effort is definitely worth it.
Peace and Joy,
