Loving-Kindness in the Time of Coronavirus

This morning after I let the dog out, fed him and my two cats, I crawled back into bed to steal a few more minutes of sleep. That’s when I had the nightmare. There was a black dog barking ferociously at me and a high speed chase involving a white pickup truck and many cars and semitrailers that ended in a massive pileup. I woke with a start, catching my breath. I have not had any bad dreams lately, so this one shook me. 

I imagined the driver of the pickup as angry, perhaps someone who couldn’t take the stress of this Coronavirus and all that it entails. I felt deeply for people who are having a tough time right now. That’s when I thought of a way to help myself calm down, but also to send some love and kindness to those who need it right now. 

In my research to find ways to live a happy and peaceful life, I found the work of psychologist Barbara Fredrickson. Dr. Fredrickson studies positivity, and she used an ancient meditation in her research to see how it might elevate positive emotions. Remarkably, after just a short time, her research showed that practitioners had, “..improved abilities to savor and be mindful, to having an easier time accepting themselves, finding positive meaning, and trusting others.”

She goes on to write,

“Practitioners even suffer fewer aches, pains, colds, and flus. Practicing loving-kindness helps people move the riverbed for their day-to-day emotions to higher ground. Ultimately, they become less depressed and more satisfied with life as a whole.”

Fredrickson, Barbara. Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the Upward Spiral That Will Change Your Life 

From experience, I know when I send out prayers for loved ones I feel better as well. 

Most spiritual traditions and religions instruct us to love our neighbors as ourselves and even to love our enemies. Loving-kindness meditation begins with us because we are as deserving of love as anyone, and our ability to love others comes from our ability to love ourselves. 

By comforting ourselves first, we are putting on our own oxygen mask before helping others. Once we are calm, we bring calm to the situation and all of those involved. 

One reason practicing Loving-kindness meditation works, I believe, is that it reinforces our common humanity. Shauna Shapiro in her book Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion to Rewire Your Brain for Calm, Clarity, and Joy, says this about common humanity:

Common humanity. Recognizing our common humanity reminds us that we are not alone in our suffering. Our belief that this is “my” personal problem or that we are the “only one” suffering isolates and separates us. Common humanity helps us recognize that other people also get divorced or have sick children or get stuck in traffic. Self-compassion helps us reframe our situation in light of our shared human experience. When we recognize our common humanity and don’t take things so personally, we experience a greater sense of connection, comfort, and calm.

There have already been many ways people have acknowledged our common humanity during the COVID-19 pandemic by working to help others. However, many of us cannot leave our homes because we have been instructed to stay put. This can make many who are social distancing feel helpless and secluded. 

By practicing loving-kindness meditation, we can benefit our own mental health and open our hearts to those who are travelling this path with us, which includes practically the whole world right now. It does not mean that we ignore the situation or minimize its impact.

Self-compassion researcher, Kristen Neff, says this about loving-kindness meditation:

Finally, it is important to realize that loving-kindness practice works on the level of intention. We nourish the desire for health and happiness—for ourselves and others—as a way to open our hearts. This is not an exercise in wishful thinking, nor are we ignoring the reality that suffering exists. Rather, the idea is that by cultivating the intention for ourselves and others to experience well-being, corresponding feelings of love, concern, and compassion will eventually arise. This in turn translates into more concrete acts of kindness and care.

Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (pp. 202-203). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

Loving-kindness meditation only takes a few minutes.  I learned from Sharon Salzberg’s Audible version because she has us keep the focus on ourselves before branching out to others. This, to me, reinforces the truth that love  and kindness come from within us and begin with us. I am including a link to Greater Good in Action’s post of the practice, and the video below. 

 

 

This is a simple focus of attention on ourselves and others, wishing only the best for all. Imagine a wrold of individuals sending out loving-kindness during this time. My thought is that it would send ripples of calm across the globe. Let’s try it. 

Photo by Daniel Mingook Kim on Unsplash