There is a story about a zen master named Hakuin who had an impeccable reputation. When a local village girl got pregnant, she said that Hakuin was the father to avoid telling her parents the truth. To this accusation, Hakuin said, “Is that so?” When the child was born, the girl’s parents brought the baby to Hakuin. He took the baby without argument and did everything to take care of the child. After a year, the child’s young mother finally told the truth that the father was a man who worked at the local fish market. The girl’s parents went to Hakuin and apologized, telling him the true story. His only answer as he handed them the baby was, “Is that so?” –101 Zen Stories

 

What do we do when someone accuses us of something that we haven’t done? The first inclination is often to go into self-defense mode. 

However, as writer Byron Katie says, “Defense is the first act of war.” I am not sure I am at the point where Byron Katie is, who then asks her accuser to tell her more, but I can fully agree that defense is not the way to go. 

The fact is, people will believe what they want to believe. They will see only what they want to see. It doesn’t matter if it is true or not, and somehow, going on the defensive just makes people more sure of their misconceptions. 

In the end, being like the zen master Hakuin is the right path. Let people believe what they want. The truth has a way of eventually coming out. 

More than that, living our truth is the most important part of the journey, and sometimes people are going to have an issue with us, no matter what we do or don’t do. Years ago, I found a quote by Abraham Lincoln that inspires me each time I read it. 

“If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what’s said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”― Abraham Lincoln

We can only do what we know is best at the time, and some people, being who they are, will find fault. In the end, it is better to just do our best and let the critics be critics. I try to let this teach me what another wise man, Norman Vincent Peale, used to say, “We never have enough information to judge.”

Peace and Joy,

photo credit: the zen garden