A Compassionate World Starts with How I Talk to Myself
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”~Buddha
What an idiot!
Most of us would cringe at hearing someone say this to a spouse, child, grandparent, or friend, but wouldn’t think twice about saying it to ourselves.
Why is that? I suppose it is because we don’t think it is as hurtful or damaging if we say it to ourselves, but we would be wrong there.
Negative self-talk is one of the signs of self-hate. Don’t like the word hate? Well, exchange it for loathing then. Disdain? Still too much?
When we call ourselves idiots or stupid, apologize profusely for simple mistakes, or put ourselves down in any way, we are not being compassionate with ourselves.
I am here to assert that we cannot love anyone more than we love ourselves. The edict to “love your neighbor as yourself” is important to unpack. Many parents will protest, “I surely love my child more than I love myself,” but I would ask if that is true, do you want your child to love him or herself? If the answer is yes, how are you modeling that? By swearing at yourself when you make the slightest error?
Kristen Neff has created a quiz to help people test how self-compassionate they are. This is not a way to feel worse about ourselves, but it is a way to raise our awareness of ourselves.
If we want to live in a compassionate world, the buck stops with how compassionate we are with ourselves. So the next time you want to call yourself dummy for forgetting where your keys are or burning toast, interrupt that pattern and give yourself a break.
Talk to yourself from now on like you would talk to a cherished friend. Be that friend to yourself.
Peace and Joy,
